walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
