Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
