Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
