i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
