She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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