Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
