My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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