He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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