its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Please, let me fuck your mom
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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