Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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