it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
