I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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