maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
