does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
