Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
