I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
