The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
