don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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