My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
