I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
