literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
