Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
