y did u give ur computer a hand job?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
