I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
