operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
