So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
