dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
