Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
