Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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