Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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