I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize