wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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