Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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