He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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