did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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