JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
