no, he came in my armpit
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm gonna fight the coyote
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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