So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
