he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
