ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
