All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
