she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
