Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
