I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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