My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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