Is it normal to miss your booty call?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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