there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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