I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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