finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
