Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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