I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
