Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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