absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sobbing to NWA
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
