I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
