I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
