I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
3pm strippers are depressing
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
