I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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