Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
