Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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