Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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