He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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