Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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