this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
