i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
