So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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