Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
